3.11 WWW

Quotes

Geoff: "She, um, needed help with her holster."
Chase: "It was ... really itchy."

Deaver: "It was an Alp."
Chase: "Alp. Like the mountain?"

Deaver: "So Gabe, how shiny is your flask?"
Gabe: "Oh, it's very shiny."

PeanutGalleryChase [re: her WWW character]: "Wow ... I make a better prostitute in real life."

Gabe: "Yeah sure it's all fun & games until someone GETS SHOT..."

Deaver: Gabe, did you buy the Louis Vuitton saddle?"

Stefan [re: Deaver's crazy dive & shoot move]: "It looked really good -- right out of a movie!"
Gabe: "Yeah. right up until the part where you got shot."

PeanutGalleryChase: "Somebody alert the media -- Gabe just called Chase a "good friend". That's the first time in
three years
..."

Gabe [singing G&S loudly]: "With cat-like tread, upon our prey we steal..."
Rive: tarzan yell

Everyone gets a phone call on Friday afternoon from a very excited Stefan. He's scored them all tickets to the carnival that is coming to town that weekend, along with a special surprise. He brushed off all trepidation -- the gang can't help remembering what happened the LAST time they were at a carnival -- and tells them that it will be a good time. They all end up agreeing to check it out with him.

The next day, the scoobies part ways at the carnival entrance with fistfuls of midway tickets and a directive from Stefan to meet up at 3:00 for his "big surprise". A little badgering gets him to reveal what it is -- he's scored passes to the super-popular Wild West virtual reality game, which is reportedly fantastically high tech and realistic. With his love of Americana, he couldn't resist. They plan to meet at the tent at the designated hour, and spend the early part of the day riding rickety whirligigs and throwing balls at bottles on the midway.

At 3:00, Stefan's passes let them walk right past the hefty line outside the Wild West tent. Inside, tinny fiddle music is piped over the airwaves. An odd little old man greets them, and explains the rules of the game. He leads them to their stations, where each player is given a helmet and a belt. There is a short list of character options -- gunslingers, "ladies of the night", blacksmiths, and rich townspeople. Each person makes their choice, straps in, and then ...

* * *

The group is standing in an abandoned dirt street, with dilapidated wooden buildings surrounding them. Stefan and Deaver wear their hats over their eyes and their gun belts low in their hips, Rive and Geoff are equipped with hammers and heavy leather aprons (and a few sooty smudges to go with them), Gabe's vest and coat are immaculate and he sports a solid gold watch chain, and Chase's corset is revealing enough that she thinks twice about trying to raise her arms over her head. Everything is almost disorienting in its realism -- the players can't feel their helmets or belts, even if they reach explicitly for them. The smells, sights, and sounds are all extraordinarily vivid.

Taking in the scene, the crew decides to start the way all good westerns should -- with the nearby saloon. Stefan pushes through the swinging saloon doors, and the whole bar turns to look at him. The tinkling piano stops playing. Stefan strolls in like he owns the place and the buzz of conversation slowly returns. Gabe buys the whole group a round of drinks and their eyes water at the raw taste of the whiskey.

There's a sudden disturbance at the poker table in the back corner, and voices start rising in anger. As the scoobies start to move towards the commotion, looking to break it up, a well-dressed man rises from the table, pulls out his guns, and calmly shoots one of his two accusers at point-blank range. He turns to the other one and pulls the trigger. The bullet clips the man's arm and takes him to his knees, but it sends up lodging soundly in another location -- Chase's shoulder. With something between a gasp and a scream, she staggers back against the bar while the well-dressed poker player executes the second man with another shot. He holsters his guns, looks around the tomb-silent bar, announces that nobody calls him a cheat, and casually walks out.

Everyone quickly runs to Chase's side. Geoff tries to staunch the bleeding, but realizes he'll have to get the bullet out to actually patch her up. An attempt to cleanse the wound with rotgut whiskey causes her to pass out cold. They get her out of the bar and down to the barber shop, where Geoff collects what tools the barber has while he sends Deaver for various other items. Amidst a lot of drama, he eventually manages to dislodge the bullet and stitch the wound closed. Looking at the bullet, Rive realizes with her newfound blacksmithing knowledge that it was mined at a quarry not far north of here, and has the look of being a custom job.

While Geoff gently tends to a hazy and hurting Chase, the others start to try to figure out how to find the criminal from the saloon. The barber claims to know nothing, but his shifty eyes give him away. Rive and Gabe take him in the back room, where Gabe magically roughs him up a bit (it seems those skills are still at his disposal). He ends up spilling what he knows -- the gunslinger's name is Targus Cava, and he lives on an isolated ranch north of town. He's well known in these parts, and is feared by everyone. He rarely comes to town, but when he does, he is known to take a general dislike to strangers and tends to dispatch of them quickly. Anyone who has tried to stand up to him meets the same violent end, so he has free reign. Law only to himself, he practically is this town ...

The troops decide to descend on Targus' ranch. Chase is still too weak to stand, much less ride, and the amount of whiskey and laudanum they've forced down her as painkillers aren't helping matters much. Geoff announces that he's staying with her. The others saddle up horses and head north. They find the ranch around dusk, and decide to wait until nightfall before attempting to sneak in.

* * *

Back in the barber's cozy parlor, Geoff teaches Chase to play Craps and between them they seriously lower the level of the "medicinal" whiskey bottle. The conversation rambles around amiably, landing briefly on work, Simone, horses, broadway, and whether Chase needs a hand getting that thigh holster off ...

* * *

Once it is dark, Stefan, Rive, Deaver, and Gabe approach the ranch. They work up a plan to set the stables on fire in true Western fashion (after freeing the horses, of course -- no animals were hurt during the making of this show). They hop the split rail fence and enter the ranch -- well, all except the slayer, who manages to make enough noise getting over the rails that the nearby sentries notice their presence and move to intervene. Deaver manages to take them both down, and the group ends up shooting instead of sneaking their way in -- still setting the stable on fire for good measure, of course.

A roving gunfight ensues, and the group eventually makes it to the main parlor in the sprawling ranch house, where they come face to face with Targus. During the ensuing firefight, Gabe's eyes go black and his coat flaps in an unseen breeze as he stops Targus' bullets in their tracks. Like any good villain should, Targus tells them his whole raison d'tre -- he is an Alp, a creature of German folklore that sneaks into bedrooms in the dead of night, steals the breath of its victims and plagues them with horrible nightmares, gaining strength and nourishment from their anguish. This little "virtual reality" is his stomping ground -- his nightmare creation.

Unimpressed and still fighting, the heroes eventually bring Targus down. As soon as he falls, the entire group is suddenly jerked back to reality. The odd old man who greeted them at the tent is lying dead on the floor, killed in his own nightmare. Chase's shoulder is completely fine, and no one bears any injury from the adventure. The man beats a hasty retreat, and the scoobies get the hell out.

The next day, there's a notice in the paper that while the carnival continues as planned, the Wild West exhibit has been suddenly and permanently closed ...